LebGeeks

WizaRd

Member

Joke thread !

Yes yes, the wizard is bringing smiles to the community.

I will try to update it every other day or when i have time.. 7asab el helleh...

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out o f my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

"Only when he's been drinking."

mahdoum

Member

Re: Joke thread !

nice :lol: lol

Padre

Member

Re: Joke thread !

hilarious !

WizaRd

Member

Re: Joke thread !

A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquired.

"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man.

"6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"

"Yeah, my first blowjob," the man answered.

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

"No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

mahdoum

Member

Re: Joke thread !

hehe, nice

WizaRd

Member

Re: Joke thread !

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Tarzan check for bees!"

LebaneseChiphead

Member

Re: Joke thread !

Okay, here another quick one:
the kid on a farm wakes up early in the morning, he looks outside and he see the rooster mate 10 times in a row, so he hurried to his mom and screamed: Mom Mom I saw the rooster mate 10 times in a row, the Mom chukles and tell her son to go tell that to your  dad "with a simrk". So the son ran to his daa and said : daddy daddy I saw the rooster mate 10 time sin a row and when I told mommy she told me to hurry and tell U that. Hmm the Dad looked at his son and said:
Son did the rooster mate ten times with the same hen, his son answered No, so the dad chukled and told him : Go tell that to UR Mom.

mir

Member

Re: Joke thread !

hahahaha
loooooooool
funny ones

WizaRd

Member

Re: Joke thread !

2 friends were camping out one night, when all of the sudden one of them jumps up screaming,

"A SNAKE JUST BIT ME ON THE TIP OF MY PENIS!!".

The other friend said, "don't worry, I am going to town to find a doctor, I will be right back!".
So he goes to town, and finally finds a doctor.

"Doctor!! My friend just got bit by a snake!!!" the friend says.

"It's ok", the doctor says, "all you have to do is suck the poison out.".

The friend says thank you, and runs back to the camp site. The injured friends asks, "WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY? WHAT DID HE SAY?"

The other friend replies, "doctor said you gonna die!"

mahdoum

Member

Re: Joke thread !

hehe

battikh

Member

Re: Joke thread !

Bill Gates decides to organize an enormous session of recruitment for a new chairman for Microsoft Europe. The 5000 candidates are all assembled in a large room.
One of the candidates is Fadi Khoury, a Lebanese guy.
Bill Gates thanks all the candidates for coming and asks that all those who do not know JAVA program language rise and leave. 2000 people rise and leave the room.Fadi Khoury says to himself: "I do not know this language but what have I  got to lose if I stay? I'll give it a try". So he stays.

Bill Gates asks all the candidates that those who have never had  experience of team management of more than 100 people rise and leave. 2000 people rise and leave the room. Fadi Khoury says to himself: "I have never  managed anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I stay? What can happen to me"? So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asks all the candidates who do not have excellent management diplomas to rise and leave. 500 people rise and leave the room.  Fadi Khoury says to himself: "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose if I stay? So he stays.

Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the room. Fadi Khoury says himself: "I do not speak Serbo-Croat but what the Hell! Have I got anything to lose?". So he stays, and finds himself alone with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joins them and says: "Apparently you are the only two  candidates who speak Serbo-Croatian, so I'd now like to hear you both have a little conversation in that language!
Calmly, Fadi turns to the other candidate and says to him: "Keifak ya e-r"...
The other candidate answers: "Kol khara- ya maniyak.."

mahdoum

Member

Re: Joke thread !

loooooooool i loved it :lol:

rolf

Member

Re: Joke thread !

hahaha tol3o tnanayton lebneniyye

samer

Admin

Re: Joke thread !

i read it at facebook, miss poison posted it

WizaRd

Member

Re: Joke thread !

hehehehe

WizaRd

Member

Re: Joke thread !

INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning
2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging
5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?
Signed, Desperate
-------------------------------------
-----------------

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http: I
Thought You Loved Me.html" and try
to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a
very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in
the background that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. We recommend Food 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support

mir

Member

Re: Joke thread !

so so so so FUNNY

what about the KIDS 2.0 , causing any troubles ?

WizaRd

Member

Re: Joke thread !

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load
of seniors down a highway
when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts,
which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again
he asks the little old lady,
why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?
"We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied..

The puzzled driver asks,
"Why do you buy them then?"
The old lady replied,?
"We just love the chocolate around them."