tech-guru
I have been in a relationship with a girl for 1 year and the half (I think we complete each others - in the way of thinking / common of interests) I love her and she love me , and I believe in the love factor before marriage. Now I decided to go to the higher step and think of engagement and marriage but a serious problem occurred:
I will go through many medical terminologies , since I have done thorough researches on this genetic disorder:
- Recently she declared to me that she has Beta thalassemias, a blood disorder that reduces the production of hemoglobin. Hemoglobin is the iron-containing protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen to cells throughout the body. In people with beta thalassemia, low levels of hemoglobin lead to a lack of oxygen in many parts of the body.
Symptoms:
Fussiness
Paleness
Frequent infections
A poor appetite
Failure to thrive
Jaundice, which is a yellowing of the skin or the whites of the eyes
Enlarged organs (Mainly Spleen since the Red-blood cells die fast and the spleen stores red blood cells and bone enlarge (they work hard to produce more blood cells)
Giving a child / doing surgeries - extra blood is needed , the blood will not clot as fast as normal un- mutated blood.
She needs a regular Doctor visit each 3 months and regular bloods tests , cardio graph , spleen and abdomen ultra sound each 6 months - luckily she does not need any blood transfusion since she has 1 Hemoglobin chain mutated - minor thalassemia , but she needs life monitoring with no cure since It is a genetic disorder - relative marriage.
- I did hemoglobin electrophoresis blood test , I have no silent traits and my hemoglobin is normal which reduces cancel the chance of getting a child of major thalassemia.
Shall I go ahead , or stop and search for another partner. She is very nice , from a good family , she looks cute , we love each others etc.. Medium living standard , therefore as her potential husband I will borne all the expenses for her life genetic disorder. I have not disclosed this to my parents , and I think I will be faced with a sever rejection.
Opinions
Thank You
Salloum
If you love her, these things shouldn't matter. But then again it all depends on the way you think, everyone is different. Only you can make this decision!
vegetaleb
Don't get afraid of the symptoms list, hopefully she will get none to very few, it's like side effect of a medicament, if you read the list you will never take it but in reality the list show the maximum possible negative things she could get while she could have only 1% of getting one of them. Her sickness is nowadays well treated, there is nothing to be afraid of.
If you are really in love, and after 1 year and half you must have a clear idea, then go and marry her!
Don't forget that rare are the people who are 100% healthy, she has a treatment that won't allow her to have any symptom, other sickness in other people won't perhaps...
Your parents won't reject her because they know this sickness is treatable.
Don't you go to your eyes doctor every 6 months to monitor them?
It's hard to find true love in this country anymore, so don't lose her based on a stupid fear
bermudapineapple
I don't think you should go for her.
Not because of her condition, but because you don't love her enough to spend the rest of your life with her and be happy with her. If you did, you would not bother to make this post and ask that question.
hussam
From personal experience, most men look for long term relationships. Marriage for us is part of life's phases. We go to university to secure a diploma. We get married to secure a relationship and gain a family and get that part over with.
Women on the other hand, tend to just want the "experience" of relationships.
Love is just a feeling, nothing more.
If you need children, tell her now and decide to part ways or not. The ability to finance her mediation is also a factor. It may be better to end it now than lead her on for a decade, lose her trust, and resent her for it.
It children are not a priority and you can afford treatment, definitely stay together.
@tt40 The kind of love you are describing doesn't happen in a year and a half. It happens after long years and after proving you are worthy of the other person's trust. It's not a good sign that he is consulting us instead of his parents.
rolf
You appear to be quite impersonal in your approach, the way you dissect the matter and measure things such as character. It's a personal and subjective matter, so I want to avoid giving advice on that question. In my experience its better to be careful when involving others on such matters.
I just want to point out a couple of things. First she is a living, changing being, not an inert object or a commodity, which is why I recommend a primarily relationship-centric approach to the question (which you are doing to some extent). Secondly, I just want to point out that you wrote a long post and seem to be thinking about it, which on it's own, I think, indicates a positive predisposition towards her and towards commitment (="you like her").
Also, how about the possibility of her working and covering her own health expenses?
Good luck.
xterm
My wife has minor thalassemia, we've been together for over 15 years, married for 8, 3 kids and no issues whatsoever.
It's called minor thalassemia for a reason and it shouldn't be a defining criteria for your decision to spend the rest of your life with someone. If you truly love that person, you should stop at nothing to make sure both of you end up together. I know a couple who got engaged the moment they found out one of them sadly has cancer.
Good luck.
TheStunMan
She is honest with you. She can be trusted. Its up to you to decide.
hkbazzi
delete this post before she sees it, if she does... all that you said does not matter!
rtp
I don't think its a deal breaker, pretend that she is your car and you are taking her to a revision every 6 month, sounds doable to me. She is totally functional on a normal day, so i dont see it as a big deal.
NuclearVision
I don't know if you are trying to be rational which is not bad at all, and you really love her.
Or you don't love her or maybe not that into her, and decided to quit at very first bump.
Either way think it off, it's your future.
hussam
hkbazzi wrotedelete this post before she sees it, if she does... all that you said does not matter!
Exactly. How would she react if she knew you asked random people on the internet if it is a good idea to marry her or not?
Salloum
rtp wroteI don't think its a deal breaker, pretend that she is your car and you are taking her to a revision every 6 month, sounds doable to me. She is totally functional on a normal day, so i dont see it as a big deal.
Post of the year.
TheStunMan
rtp wroteI don't think its a deal breaker, pretend that she is your car and you are taking her to a revision every 6 month, sounds doable to me. She is totally functional on a normal day, so i dont see it as a big deal.
Thats not how it workz.
Stygmata
What the fuck is this love where you ask people if you should dump your sick girl
eliminator
1 - Hypothesis:
What if there was a blood test that you can do and it can gives you the disorders both mental and physical in a person for the next 50 years. No one will ever get married or stick with a relationship, you cannot foresee the future and you cannot predict that a person will live to see the next day (OR live eternally, cyborgs are predicted in 2045). Thus the thinking of bringing a future problem to the present, is not statistically correct when it comes to relationships and humans, even under the context of "planning or management". If you can sit with that person in the same room for more than 2 hours/eternally without getting sick of him/her go for it, and let the faith of the universe flow...
2 - I don't mean to be rude, but just imagine for a second she read this thread...
hussam
He should have made a poll on facebook. :D
NuclearVision
.
rtp
it sounds like a lot of people are living in la la land, you are watching a lot of romance movies... back to reality, even tho i made it sound silly, his concern is valid, you are gona live with a person all your life, we choose a partner based on a point system, everybody has their point system.
Some people give a lot of weight on look and fashion while other give higher weight on intelligence and similar wavelength, sickness and disability is part of the point system... Techn Guru is calculating the pros and cons, which is totally natural... If this wasnt true, you would find less single moms and ugly girls, single... most guys give a lot of weight on beauty and a girl not having offspring...
Anywho, he is just asking for input, if you dont have anything useful input, just keep it to yourself.
haidcar
tt400 wroteI don't think you should go for her.
Not because of her condition, but because you don't love her enough to spend the rest of your life with her and be happy with her. If you did, you would not bother to make this post and ask that question.
I fully agree.