Hello again,
I've read the totality of your text (last time, I only skimmed over it), and here are my comments. It's OK, generally, I think.
It is written in a way that is very close to spoken language ("how are you, man?") but it seems to be on purpose, so I won't comment on that - plus if I do, there would be too much to comment on. It really depends on what is expected from you in this competition. Like I said before I don't know much about Oxford Reading competition.
Doom wroteDear Khalil,
It’s been a long time since I last saw you, how are you man?
maybe: how are you, man? (add comma)
Doom wrote
I hope you’re good. I really miss you, our friends and Lebanon, but let me tell you, living abroad is so worth it. There’s so many stuff to do here, and the food is amazing, plus I’ve met tons of friends, and some actually made me start reading…Yes READING! The thing that we always thought it was super boring, turned out to be the opposite!
You see, reading can take you to whole new world, a world full of eh…whatever you’re reading, you choose!
Ever since I started reading books, my grades in English almost doubled (yeah teachers were right after all), plus I have become much more creative in my writings, and my accent in English improved a lot.
I'm sorry but how does reading improve your accent? :)
Doom wrote
Not to mention the pleasure and the fun I get from reading epic stories! Just let your imagination dive into the book! Also, it’s a time killer for long sunny days or on long journeys. Screw those computers and consoles! They are just tools to spoil your eyes and for distraction.
My first book was “The Riddle of the Sands”, it’s a spy novel by Robert Childers. I really recommend you to start reading it, as you will get into it in no time. It tells the story of Carruthers, a minor official in the Foreign Office, who got invited by his friend, Davies, for an adventure on his yacht Dulcibella. After they sail from Flensburg to the Frisian Islands, off the coast of Germany, Davies reveals to Carruthers that he suspects that the Germans are undertaking something sinister in the Frisian Islands as he nearly got wrecked by a German yacht luring him into a shoal in rough weather during a previous trip.
That last sentence in long and hard to understand. I think by "shoal" you meant "shore"?
Also instead of "that he suspects that the germans" you could probably rewrite it as "the he suspects the Germans from undertaking something..."
Doom wrote
Having failed getting the British government attention, he invites Carruthers, who agrees, to investigate further. So the two friends sail through the stormy waters of the North Sea, exploring the channels and sandbanks around the Islands, until they find this mysterious site in the island of Memmert, which was rumored to be a site for a treasure recovery. Afterwards, they found out that Dollman, an old friend of Davies and whose daughter Davies loves, was involved in this project. So they try to approach the site but they get warned away by a German navy patrol boat. Davies then approach the site in secret and overhears Dollman talking with a German captain about an invasion, fishy right? After that, he returns to Dulcibella to find out that Dollman and the German have beaten him there. They invite him and Carruthers for Dinner, where Carruthers convinces the German that they aren’t British spies but just curious about the imaginary “Treasure”. After the dinner, Carruthers follows the German’s boat then manages to sneak aboard to discover lots of secrets that helped him after to put the riddle together. It’s exciting, no?
I also tend to say that ("blah blah blah, no?") a lot when speaking but that's not really a thing native speakers say - but rather, I guess: "it's exciting, isn't it?".
Doom wrote
It’s a story full of riddles, adventures, friendship, love and betrayal. I won’t tell you what the riddle turned out to be as it will ruin the excitement for you to read it!
Sorry if I spoke too much about reading, but it really had an impact on me, and I hope it will on you too.
See you in the summer!
Cheers,
Ali
Good luck and please let us know how it goes.